These Past Two Weeks
Hey, it’s been a while!!
How’s life lately? Mine’s been super busy. I was supposed to draft a list for my blog posts, trying to commit to blogging again. But yeah… life had other plans. Some sudden matters came up and stole away all my “me time.” So dramatic, I know! Hahaha.
Anyway, recently I got appointed by my sister as Hanna’s official babysitter. At least she pays me a bit, used that to treat our mom for her birthday dinner (hehe). I was supposed to look after Hanna for just two weeks while my sister dealt with some health issues. And that’s how my babysitting journey began.
Fun fact: I’ve also babysat my bestie’s kids before - two of them, for around two weeks too. That was fun! Maybe because they were old enough to understand instructions, follow rules, and basically didn’t cry every 10 minutes. Since I work from home, I just juggled both tasks during the day, kept them in check while getting my work done.
But Hanna’s a whole different story. She’s still a baby - just 1 year and 4 months. Super manja and wants all of your attention. I babysit her from morning till 6PM. Basically, like a full-time job. And honestly? I couldn’t balance working from home and babysitting. I kept feeling guilty, working while she’s playing alone. Sometimes she’d crawl onto my lap while I was typing… and you know how they say babies have the fastest hands in the world? Yeah, imagine me typing and suddenly - tap tap tap, tiny fingers on my keyboard. Not blaming her tho, it’s a fun-looking toy for her age!
Two weeks of ignoring my own urgent tasks = working overtime at night. There was a night I didn’t even sleep, and had to babysit her the next morning. I was super stressed. My energy? Drained. And Hanna’s quite big for her age and LOVES being picked up. My back was screaming. My period even came early (I swear it’s from the physical stress).
I’m known for being a bit OCD - not the chronic kind but I love things neat and organized. Normally, if I cook, I clean everything before I even eat. But during those two weeks? I had no energy. I didn’t clean the kitchen after cooking for her. Messy rice all over the floor? Ignored. Toys everywhere? Ignored. Even when she went home, I left them scattered around like, “Okay, see you in two weeks when I get my energy back.”
From that experience, I learned… girl, sometimes I do feel like I want to be childfree (if I ever get married). Or at least, I wonder, how do moms work from home with a baby around?? It’s not bonding, it’s burnout. Like you give your whole life to your baby and where’s the me time?
I even told my sister once: “Maybe this is why I’m still not married. Because Allah knows how bad I’d be as a mother right now.” But seriously, physically and mentally, Allah also knows how much I love and adore Hanna. I prioritized her over my work. My back might hurt like crazy, but I still picked her up when she cried. I hugged her when she was sad.
And maybe, just maybe, I could be a better mom if I didn’t have to work! HAHAHA. I just can’t juggle both. Maybe working from home isn’t the answer… maybe moms actually get their me time at the office while the kids are at daycare or grandma’s. LOL.
Anyway, after all the chaos of those two weeks… I SALUTE every mom out there. My mom, your mom, all moms, even if they’ve never given birth. Girl, you’re a queen. Like the Malays say: “Tangan yang menghayun buaian mampu menggoncang dunia” Powerful, and so true.
Now Hanna’s back home. Please make dua for my sister, so she recovers well and can get back to being a strong house mama. I hope my two weeks of chaos gave her two weeks of peace. And now… I miss Hanna. I miss her knocking on my door every morning, her little face when she wants something, and how she calls me—"Caaahhhh" (yep, that’s the nickname I gave myself: Ticah).
Sigh… I miss that girl. My little chaos.
Just waiting for her to grow a little more, so she understands better. Then maybe I can babysit her again.
So tell me, working moms - how’s your life with a baby around?
xoxo_M.